depression + yoga
There is no magic pill for life.
We’re just here, doing our best, learning who we are, enjoying what we love.
I didn’t know I was depressed, but I did know that when this thing hit, all I wanted was to be alone. It would happen in cycles. Every few weeks I’d wake up with a list of ways I was imperfect and like a hundred pound weight was laying on my chest and shoulders. I would recount all the mistakes I had made that day before falling asleep, if I fell asleep. Otherwise, I’d stay up through the night plotting and planning how I would do better the next day.
Let’s be clear, the mistakes I was obsessing over would not get jail time in this country, they didn’t cost me friendships, and they didn’t hinder my work in any way. In fact, I had a plethora of friends, was a leader in my community, excelling at work, and appeared to have more than enough ducks in a row.
So when this thing hit, I would hide. For years. And no one knew. I’d go into my cave and let myself rot and then pick myself up and get back out there.
Things I have learned since I started opening up about it (why I started opening up about it will have to come in a later post. for sake of time & my own emotional capacity around the topic. I’m not a robot!)
more people struggle with this than know or want to talk about it
it looks different for almost everyone. even the most similar experiences are unique
it sucks
it’s painful
it feels most overwhelming while it’s happening
there is a lot of shame attached to it
there are more resources now than ever before, but that doesn’t eliminate it
you don’t always know the cause
there isn’t always a logical or clear cause
it’s unlikely you will just “think” your way out of it, despite best efforts
being alone may not be bad for you, it may not be great either
the weight feels so heavy in the moment, it’s nearly impossible to object
I told you in the last post why I started practicing yoga. What I didn’t know is that regulating my nervous system would greatly reduce my depression. Not overnight. Actually, it got worse before it got better (story for another time).
Here’s why - yoga teaches to stay in the present moment. And is practiced through movement linked to your breath. Your breath is only ever in the present moment.
Seriously, think about it. Your breath is the most present thing available. AND there is proof that you have breathed before and will (likely) continue to breathe. You don’t have to force it, it just happens. Just like the present moment. Sure, you can control your breath and that has it’s place, but even if you don’t, it’s still going to continue on. You will continue to breathe.
When you’re in the present moment, living from right now. The only moment we ever truly have, the fears about the future and the worries about the past don’t have anywhere to hang out. There’s no space for them.
You also released a plethora of feel good brain chemicals. Yup, FOR FREE! Serotonin, Endorphins, Dopamine. All yours.
The truth is, depression sucks. And it doesn’t have to be the end of the story. There is life outside of managing depression. You are not alone, KEEP GOING.
I have a special class ready just for you if you’ve found yourself in this place. There is no shame. I got you and I want to help. You can schedule your FREE class through this link: https://app.squarespacescheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=22383207&appointmentType=22886509
See you soon!
Kasidy