Is Non-Judgement Hurting You?

Non Judgement… an age old yoga and spiritual principle for living less attached and more enlightened.

On one hand, there are massive benefits - traffic won’t bother you if you don’t deem it bad…

Breakups hurt a little less if you have neutrality around the matter.

And losing loved ones becomes just another day if death isn’t a negative.

But what about when non-judgement causes you to lose your personality.

Am I the only one this has happened to?

Stalled at the food line because I didn’t know what to order… because I didn’t know what I liked anymore. Everything is neutral.

Dating the wrong guys because well, they aren’t good or bad, they just are… so shouldn’t I appreciate them all? Everything is neutral.

Unexcited about hitting a huge milestones in my life because seeing it as good might result in it being taken away from me… Everything is neutral.

Non judgement has robbed me of my zest, my magic, my shizam too many times than I can count.

In my quest for neutral, I became neutral.

I became what everyone else wanted me to be.

Shaped by my world, rather than by my heart.

A few years ago, after ending a relationship I never should have gotten myself into in the first place, I decided I could hold non-judgement as a base, but that I get to have layers.

There’s depth to being a human and although non-judgement might protect my heart and allow me to see the world from a more wholistic perspective, I also want to feel all that this life has to offer…

And that means, I come with a unique outlook. I come with a layer of judgement. *gasp*

It’s neither right or wrong, but it is mine.

And yes, there’s a base layer of me who knows nothing is good or bad, it simply is.

But there is also a wildly adventure personality that layers on top of it with preferences and ideas and smart *ss remarks that will make some laugh and some cringe and some never want to speak to me again.

And as anti-neutral as this sounds… I am okay with it.

Because I’ve been the “be everything for everyone” girl.

But d*mn… she is tired and heartbroken and angry.

Instead, I have found so much joy in showing up BIG. Exactly as I am.

This cappuccino sucks.

This croissant rocks my world.

I never want to spend time with that person again.

I cannot wait to play cards as many nights in a row as I can.

Here’s the deal…

You can hold both.

Neutrality. Non judgement. Knowing that love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

And a preference. Knowing that you can choose what you love.

You can have non-judgement. And opinions, preferences, and perspectives.

How?

Practice.

Here’s a good one I get asked about a lot… naked yoga.

In my mind, it’s neutral. And I have no desire to do it. I don’t want to.

Not because it’s bad, but because I am a person with preferences.

Not because there’s some hidden reason.

I simply am not interested.

Non judgement AND preferences.

You can have both.

Your perspective, opinions, and ideas are beautiful. And I hope in the quest to become more enlightened you remember that you are also human.. not only spirit. And this human experiment is about being human, not just trying to escape all experiences.

EXHALE.

Now I’m going to enjoy my very delicious cinnamon breve capp and listen to my punk rock music from the early 2000s.

Warmly,

Kas