Disqualified.
The word that played in my mind for years after I left Malaysia.
If you’ve followed my story, you know what unfolded in Malaysia. In short, I hit my rock bottom. Life looked good on the outside, but on the inside I was crumbling. I gave up leading in an area and among people I loved, because I had no idea how to self regulate. I lived on adrenaline, caffeine, and guilt for years and it finally caught up to me.
I still remember laying on my parents couch thinking about all the reasons why I would never be able to do what I loved, ever again. A little dramatic, I know. But when you hit the bottom, drama is often times all you have left.
The reasons I thought I would never be able to do what I loved again
I had failed
No one would trust me
That was my one shot
Rebuilding would take years
But mostly, I was exhausted. I didn’t want to lead. I wanted to hide.
And so I hid. I hid behind a bad relationship. I hid behind an easy job. I hid behind the excuse of “I don’t have the money” to get my yoga teacher certification. I hid behind my own trauma as an excuse to stay put, stay small, and to hopefully not be disappointed in myself ever again.
Even now as I type this, I can so easily go back to that memory - laying on my parents couch, believing that it was all over for me.
And then I taught yoga for the first time. And it was like every fear I was hiding behind, disappeared.
NOT. That DID NOT HAPPEN.
I was still terrified.
But I was ALIVE.
I felt like me again. Using my being to hold space for others’ healing, for others’ self return. The next few months would unfold to show me just how ME I was becoming. With each new decision, embodying the power that I had been holding back.
All because in the face of terror, I chose to say yes, for the opportunity to feel fully alive.
I have two questions for you —
Have you disqualified yourself in any way from living the life of your dreams?
What emotion must you be willing to feel to get back in the game?
Only you can decide if you are disqualified. But if you ask me, you aren’t. You are simply becoming more YOU. And the thing that you believe disqualifies you, may just make you the right person for the job.
You got this!
To reserve your introduction call to Peaceful Leadership, schedule here — https://www.marinabayyoga.com/peacefulleadership