When you don’t live up to your own expectations of yourself.

Plot twist, I don’t always take my own best advice.

I don’t always live up to my own ideals of myself.

Sometimes I crawl back into bed and decide to try again tomorrow.

I recently walked through a challenging situation, the details of which aren’t helpful to share at the moment, but the essence of what I felt was betrayal. I haven’t faced this emotion in a LONG time. Actually, the last time I faced it was when I left my abusive marriage.

Obviously, it’s been a minute.

It threw me off. My judgement cards went flying. Not at the situation, but at my emotions, my thoughts, my preferences.

For three days I woke up in a cold sweat, overwhelmed by judgement of how I felt. Beating myself up for my experience, ashamed that I wasn’t getting past it faster.

And then I let myself feel it. All of it. The depths of betrayal. The very thing I was working so hard to avoid feeling, because I was judging it mercilessly, was the very thing I needed to do to get through it.

Now, I know this works. Its the A4 method I created and teach when it comes to emotional intelligence and nervous system regulation, but day 1-3, I couldn’t even see straight, let alone practice a tool.

Why in the world am I telling you about how bad I am at taking my own advice at times?

Because I know I’m not the only one and my goal is not to appear like I have it all figured out.

But to normalize the human experience and remind you you’re a badass… even when you’re overwhelmed by self judgement, even when you’re devastated by betrayal, even when you decide to crawl back into bed.

You are still a badass.

See you on the mat (or not!)

xoxo

Kas